My Abduction And Subsequent Examination

So on Friday I hit downtown Roswell in search of aliens. However, before encountering the little green buggers I needed to do a some research. The one only place to start was The International UFO Museum and Research Center. Here can be found a timeline for the 1947 incident where a farmer purportedly found alien debris, contacted a local official, who in turn contacted government officials, who allegedly recovered a spacecraft and the bodies contained therein, sealed off the area, then covered up the incident... claiming it was a weather balloon. It's been said the poor farmer was kept away from family and friends, and threatened repeatedly until his silence was assured. On exhibit are copies of affidavits from witnesses that dispute the government's position. The museum contends it is merely a presenter of facts and that people must decide for themselves whether aliens exist.



However I was looking for the kitsch experience. I wanted to mingle with martians. Be afraid of what you seek... for you might just get it! Just down the street from the museum is Alien Zone. It's a gift shop (no great surprise), and a cafe. I sat in the cafe (where patrons get to share tables with an assortment of creatures) and tried to bum a Coke off an alien... who was not in a sharing mood but did begrudgingly posed for a photo. At this point I was still unaware of the nightmare about to befall me in the adjoining Area 51. Area 51 is a room where brave and daring souls commiserate with aliens in a variety of settings... I was served by an alien bartender (not a bad Mai Tai), was part of a gravity mix-up (a little spooky but interesting), examined an alien body (it reeked!!!), then in a cruelly ironic twist was myself captured and subjected to a horribly invasive examination. I've never felt so utterly scared, helpless and violated! I'm happy to report to having survived the nightmare and with therapy hope to one day resume a normal life.

I decided to leave town quickly and never again speak of the atrocities leveled against me.



I put the pedal to the metal and bounded towards safety in Albuquerque. After a couple of hours driving my nerves settled. It was time to get out and have a stretch. About an hour east of Albuquerque in Cline's Corners, NM is the aptly named Cline's Corner's rest stop...where travelers can fuel up, grab a bite to eat, and purchase any number of a plethora of souvenirs. An absolutely adorable young Russian woman named Anastasia sold me fudge laced with Amaretto (a terrific midnight snack!) and a few tchotchkes. I thanked her in Russian (she was impressed) and she responded in kind.

However, the experience at Cline's Corners hadn't fully purged my Roswell demons. It was a hot dog to the rescue. I checked in to the hotel in Albuquerque and mad a mad dash for the Dog House Drive In. There I devoured a chili cheese dog and fries. All was right again.